The Encyclopedia of Interactive Performance

When you stop acting, you become vulnerable. It can feel embarrassing to drop your defenses and be seen in a completely vulnerable state. The thing is, others love to see you when you let down your guard. That’s why it’s so compelling to watch children play. When they let loose and dance like fairies or roar like dragons, it’s compelling to behold.

Of course, kids have an advantage over you. They don’t have the years of practice that you do, embodying a well-rehearsed self-image. It takes greater effort for you to overcome the discomfort of doing something that’s “out of character” for the person you’ve been being all these years. To get over this discomfort, it helps to remember that engaging in play is make-believe, not real life.

When an actor plays the role of a murderer, does that make the actor a bad person? Of course not. The actor is playing a character that’s been written in a script. But the moment we start improvising, there’s suddenly a concern that our impulses reflect who we truly are deep down inside. That’s not true. While impulses may arise out of the depths of our psyches, it doesn’t mean that’s who we really are. Your ability to play as abusively cruel, or naively joyful, or unabashedly sexy is more a reflection of how fearlessly you can play.

Whatever the source of the impulse may be, it can be difficult to be seen in that vulnerable way. Fortunately, there’s a way to make it a little more easy.

My dad was a marine in World War II. He had to crawl through the mud under razor-sharp barbed wire with machine guns firing live rounds overhead, and that was just in basic training. Why? Why did the military put him in such a vulnerable position just to train him? Because, when he went into battle, he had to be OK with being vulnerable while still capable of doing his job as a marine.

To get past the discomfort that may arise, practice being vulnerable it in a safe environment. Do it again, and again, and again, until it doesn’t bother you anymore. Fortunately you won’t need bullets and barbed wire. Instead, try singing an improvised song in your natural voice, or dancing a sensuous dance with full commitment. When you don’t allow yourself to hide behind social norms or cultural conventions, these exercises can make you feel quite exposed and vulnerable. Keep at them until you can feel exposed and unselfconscious simultaneously, then feeling vulnerable won’t get in the way of following your impulses.